operation have a gay friend backfired
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
