Already got asked if we're dating
there was a trapeze. enough said
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
