Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
