you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
