i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
