i barfeds in our rink
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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