lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
they're like a gay fantastic four
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
