I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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