remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
