You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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