Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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