I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
