oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
