I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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