vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
