u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
