Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
