her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
