dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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