my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
