Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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