TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
