Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
