I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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