i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
