Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
