Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
