walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Are we still banned from the library?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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