JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
