bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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