haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
