Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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