I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
