tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
