You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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