She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
