My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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