Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
