i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize