I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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