Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
