Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
