never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
