When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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