I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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