so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
