I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's shark week go big or go home
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
