you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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