Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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