You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
