you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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