i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
