Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
