went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
