Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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