her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
