Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize