Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
