I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
