I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I look better un-naked...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
