butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
