She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
