If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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