wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
