he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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