dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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