Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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