Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize