Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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