did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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