Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
