So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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