I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
