I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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