if i can run in heels then i can drive
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
