I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
