I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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