I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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