I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
