She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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