I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
