I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
