I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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