So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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