Just cropdusted the office
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We got so high we made milksteak
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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