Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
