Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
