Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Randomize
