i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
